You get what you pay for OR I hate the recession

So, I'm at the Walmart ... again. I needed to shop for new underwear, AGAIN. One, because since I was sick I still hadn't gotten around to doing laundry and two, because apparently Walmart brands are cut a bit large for the size (or I've lost weight), I think it's the former.

Anyway, as Walmart is perhaps the most diversified global business out there, at least according to my wise professor of global business, I decided to take advantage of their $10 manicure offer. Can't beat that, right? Well, this $10 manicure will either be my most time consuming as I'm going to have to re-do them as soon as I get home OR it will be my most expensive since I think I'm going to probably tack on a manicure to my mustache wax and facial appointment at About Faces tomorrow. Let me start with the fact that they only have colors that would be considered "primary" ie: blue and yellow OR if they do have mellow, secondary colors they are all FROST. I'm sorry but I thought that went out around the same time I had my yearbook pic from the previous post taken, 1988!

Shoulda just gotten a polish removal from the get go.

Did I mention that the register went down so I didn't even have time to get that 1/4-pounder with cheese which may have helped me to fit into my last pairs of new underwear?

While I was sick...

So I HATE being sick, hate it! And I've had the worst month with horrible back pains, then the flu! Nobody brought me soup and left it on my doorstep. As a matter of fact, I got a leaky pipe and now have a hole in my kitchen ceiling with a straight view up to my toilet.

But, being sick does give you a lot of time to watch re-runs of Law & Order, ER, Las Vegas, NCIS, and to check out funny websites such as http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

Annoyances...

A - Aunt - and I don't mean my Aunts but people that say "Ont" instead of "Ant"
B - Boys would be too easy but right now I'm stuck with that one
C - Captian Obviouses (AKA My Boss)
D - Dumb people (see C)
E - Everyone who is Dumb (see C & D)
F - Filet knives
G - Gag reflexes
H - Hapless people (see C, D & E)
I - Indian as a word to describe Native Americans - Indians are people from India, get it straight
J - Jowls (sp?) - those chins that occur under your cheeks at what was once a firm jaw line. OK, I'm changing "G" to Gravity
K -
L - Lines at the DMV
M - Motorcades
N - Negative Nancies (OK, I guess I shouldn't talk given the subject of this list)
O - Olives except when it comes to Dirty Martinis and my new favorite snack
P - Porta Pots - need I say more?
Q - Quiznos
R - Robot voices
S - Sheri
T - Taliban - OK, that's way more than an annoyance ... see "U"
U - Understatement
V - Victor/Victoria
W - Washington Redskins - again, see "U"
X - X-rays at the dentist - I need a bigger mouth
Y -
Z -

OK, boys are stupid Part 1

So, I've labeled this with a "Part 1" in the title because with a title like, "Boys are stupid," it's only a matter of time before I need Part 2, Part 3, Part 50, Part 777, etc.



I work for a fairly large company with a fairly youngish population... the women are starting to pop babies out like it's going out of style. To deal with the sudden influx of new mom's returning to work, we've had to repurpose one of our offices to be a "Mother's Room." Our wonderful facilities staff got right to work and installed a door knob that locks, put a lovely sign on the door that said, "Mother's Room", and voila we had ourselves a brand new "Mother's Room."

What we did not expect was the mass questioning that we would get from several of the quite brilliant gentlemen that work here. But needless to say, when we did start getting questions, we thought a simple look with elevated eyebrows and the simple words, "ya know, a room for new mothers..." would do the trick.

Not so much... I actually had to use the word "breast" in a sentence to my male colleague - at least it was followed by the word "feed" but nevertheless, not really the conversation you want to have with a dimwitted analyst who is about 1/2 your age. (Especially since I tend to talk with my hands and point to things I'm talking about) So, I said exactly, "You know how new mothers breast-feed?" thinking he'd get it... His response, "Yeah?" followed by a pregnant (excuse the pun) pause. OK, I now needed to school this man on the fundamentals of painfully swelling breasts when a mom doesn't expel her milk as often as nature has planned.

OMG! Boys are Stupid Part 1!

MickeyD's at the Walmart ... Shouldha known

So why was I at the Walmart should really be the first question ... especially since gas prices have normalized. I know, there is absolutely no excuse for it. None whatsoever! But nevertheless, I was there (underwear shopping) during my lunch hour. Hey, I also bought a Diet Mountain Dew.

But since I took too long in the underwear department - I swear, all they have are plus sizes - even for thongs! I thought I'd stop at the McD's for lunch. Hmmmmm, maybe that's why they stock up on the plus sizes. Anyway, I'm not a regular connoisseur of McD's, I literally just ate my first Quarter Pounder with Cheese like a month ago. But seriously, it was divine! I was sitting in my car when I ate it which was a good thing because I could not stop moaning, it was so damn good! Anyway, this particular time, I waited my turn and ordered a cheeseburger (yes, regular). I had to switch to regular because as I mentioned eating the 1/4 pounder for the first time a month ago, now I've already had my 30th!!! So, I was behaving and got the reg cheeseburger but did splurge on some large fries.

Like a normal person, I waited my turn in line. After the woman in front of me was apparently finished, I ordered my stuff. But in mid-order that same woman in front of me decided to add a sundae to her order. Okay, whatever, at least the cashier allowed herself to finish with my order and take my money and provide me with change before she took the dollar from the outstretched hand of this other woman; but not before informing the woman of MD's 6% sales tax by saying, "That'll be a dollar and six cents." Thanks, O'Malley - you suck!

And what do you know, the customer turned to me and asked me for "six cent." I was like, "really?" Knowing full well that she meant it. And both of us looked at my hand which was full of the change that the cashier had just handed me. Oh, I can't tell you how badly I wanted to just pocket my money - or better yet, stick it all in the little Ronald McDonald House charity fund just for fun. But of 'course I gave her six cents and then proceeded to mentally beat myself up over the whole thing. Walmart accepts Independence Cards - that should have been my first clue!

And by the way, why are they called Independence Cards anyway?